A letter to Parents

I got this via email and i can't imagine how many kids go through abuse on a daily basis. I have heard cases of domestic helps molesting their bosses young kids. It is time for every parent to take the age off their shoulders and have a cordial relationship with their children.... these would allow your kids to learn to confide in you.

Click to read the email. I have also included tips to help parents decipher when a child is going through abuse.

Hi Tennyhola,

I am sending you this and I want you to share. I am a lady of 28 years old born and brought up in lagos. I grew up in a middle class family. I have always wanted to share my story but for the fear of being stigmatised or laughed at changes my mind.

I started been abused at the age of 5. We had a gate man who was about Age 60 at that time, he would ask me to sit on his laps….i would feel his d*ck get hard but I never knew what it meant and then he would deep my hands into his trousers and I would feel him get wet (wet was what it seemed to me at that time but now I know it meant he ej*culated.

I tried to tell my mum of his behaviour but I never knew how to explain it to her because my mum was a bit old probably in her late 40s and she enjoyed us fearing her (she is my mum I love her but she is unapproacheable). Me and my mum never had any s*x education talks and so it was a bit difficult to approach my mum. My dad was never home so I never even said a word to him other than greeting him and asking for school fees with my hands behind my back.

After the continuous abuse I went through with our gate man. By age 8 I started a coaching class and my teacher then would call me out of the class into an empty classroom to press my seedlike b00bs and he would rub his john thomas on my behind. I grew up faster than the average child. I never had a self worth and I just would let anyody touch me (I was used to it).

By the time I was in secondary school, I was like the little whore every boy had her way with (i have heard people call me that). I didn’t see anything wrong in it but I enjoyed the feeling because I learnt it from age 5!!!. Based on my past behaviour of been promiscuous I am yet to find a real man to profess his love to me. I only find the guys who want to sleep with me.

Today I look back and feel so much pain. I wish I never started out that way but I didn’t know better. In as much as I cannot go back in time to right all the wrong I just hope you can use my little story to minister to all parents like mine to take over a new leaf. Have a relationship with your children, be in their everyday affairs, talk one on one about their stages of development…. Tell them what to expect when they become teenagers (Tell them boys will ask them out). Ask them questions as soon as they start to talk….never ask in an intimidating way ask like you were their sister or brother that they can confide in. Be rest assured they would talk when they have beautiful listening ears.

It is never too late to help that child. I know there are loads of children out there going through constant abuse. Embrace your child today and you will be glad you did.

Sincerely
V.O.

How to Identify Signs of Molestation

Look out for these common signs of child molestation, if you think your child is not being himself or herself of late:
•Sudden change in behavior like crying or losing temper without provocation. Showing increased timidity or fearfulness. Withdrawal from family and friends.
•Regression to infantile behavior like bed wetting and/or sucking thumb.
•Disrupted sleep pattern. Fear of the dark or having nightmares.
•Expressing affection to adults or peers in ways that have sexual undertones.
•Unexplained rashes, bruises or injuries.
•Stained or torn underwear.
•The biggest tell tale signs are the health of the genitals. Vaginal or rectal bleeding, sexually transmitted disease, swelling, itching or pain in the genitals without any apparent accident that could cause injury, are strong indicators of sexual abuse.
•Unusual interest in knowing about matters related to sex.
•Change in eating habits.
•Disruptive behavior and failing in school.

These signs may suggest that a child has been subjected to molestation. Talk to your child in case he shows these signs. He might need a lot of coaxing and cajoling, as in many cases the perpetrator threatens the child of further harm to him or to his family, in case he speaks of the abuse to anyone. In such a case, it is difficult for parents to know who is the person behind such form of child abuse. However, in certain cases children show excessive dislike and fear of going to a particular person (like a relative or a babysitter) or being left somewhere like day care or at neighbor's place.

If you suspect child molestation, take notice of such places and people. In case, the perpetrator is in the house, a molested child may stick around with his mother all the time. All these are just a few of the probable signs of child molestation. Listen to your child when he/she talks of something that relates to sexual abuse or child exploitation of any form. Don't dismiss it as a figment of your child's imagination or effects of watching television. Children rarely lie about sexual abuse. It is sad but true, that almost 80% of cases of child molestation go unattended to, as the perpetrator is one in the family.